


Pants Suck

by UnfortunatelyObsessed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is so mad about this, Fluff, Genderbend, Humor, M/M, fem!dean, gabriel's pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 18:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelyObsessed/pseuds/UnfortunatelyObsessed
Summary: Gabriel pulls his greatest prank yet.





	1. Chapter 1

When Gabriel slid into the kitchen at ass o'clock in the morning with a shit-eating grin on his face, Sam knew something was up.

For one, Sam was the only one who woke up this early. He hadn't even gotten out for his morning run yet.

For two... Well... Gabriel. 'Nuff said.

Gabe grabbed some coffee and dumped sugar and chocolate syrup in it, bringing it to his mouth and trying to drink around his grin.

"Gabriel. Should I even ask?"

Gabe snorted and sat his coffee down, schooling his face into a smirk. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Uh-huh. And I'm supposed to believe that?"

Gabriel shrugged, taking another nonchalant drink. "You about to go for a run, Samsquatch?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Um, yeah. I am."

"Can I come?"

Sam narrowed his eyes. "Now I'm worried. What precisely did you do?"

"What? An archangel can't go for a lovely morning jog with his boyfriend?"

"Not your boyfriend. And no, you hate running. More than Dean does, even."

They both heard a door open from somewhere deep within the Bunker.

Sam snorted. "Dean's 4:32 pee. Right on schedule."

"Let's go! Teach me to be healthy or... whatever."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay. C'mon."

Sam turned to leave when a loud "SON OF A BITCH!" sounded from somewhere upstairs.

A woman appeared at the railing, light brown hair stuffed into a way too big t-shirt, looking terrified.

"Woah hey um, you okay?" Sam called out. "My brother is a douchebag, I know."

She snapped her head down and narrowed her eyes, then ran full speed down the stairs, taking them four at a time.

"Um, I'm sure whatever Dean did, he didn't mean-" Sam started, only to be cut off by the feisty creature in front of him.

"What did you do with it?" she seethed, glaring daggers at Gabriel.

He raised one eyebrow. "Sorry babe. Not sure what you mean."

"YOU FUCKING SON OF A-" She launched herself at Gabe, only to be caught easily by Sam.

"Hey, hey. Let's all calm down." Sam held the furious, struggling woman by the waist as she tried unsuccessfully to claw at Gabriel. "Gabriel, apologize for taking... whatever it was from her."

She stopped struggling and glared at Gabe, eyes daggers.

"I've never seen this woman before in my life, Sammy. I don't know what she wants."

The woman closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and announced, "I won't fight anymore. Let me down."

Sam looked at Gabe, who simply shrugged in response. He sat the girl back on her bare feet. She set her jaw and turned around, marching back up the stairs.

Sam watched her leave. "So um... That jog?" Sam said, still looking entirely confused.

"Sounds good, Samster."

They heard a loud war cry before that same woman came flying down from the bannister, angel blade in hand. She crashed into Gabriel, knocking him to the floor, where they rolled and wrestled until she had him pinned, blade pressed against his throat, hair and eyes wild.

"GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING-"

She was lifted off of him by a pair of strong hands and held against someone, struggling in vain. "Please, let's discuss this like rational creatures," a gravelly voice entreated.

Gabriel smirked at the sudden hitch in her movements as she realized just who was holding her.

"And, please, return my blade to me."

She narrowed her eyes and dropped it, muttering about it being fucking useless anyways.

Castiel released her, picking up his blade as well. "Now, what seems to be the issue?"

Her small hands were clenched in fists at her sides. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?!"

Castiel tilted his head to the side and rubbed at one of his ears. "I uh... I seem to be having hearing issues."

Sam piped up, "Look. You're upset. I can see that. Maybe we should get Dean down here. He's good at calming people."

The girl turned all of her fiery wrath on him. "Oh geez, Sammy, that's a GREAT idea." She turned towards the upper story. "OH DEEEAAANNNN!" she yelled out. "WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, HUH?!"

Castiel looked confusedly between the two of them. "Um... If I'm not mistaken, Dean is already here."

"Well look at this genius. Notice anything different, Cas?" She held her arms out wide.

Cas looked her over for a solid ten seconds before responding. "You weren't... always a girl, were you?"

"And we have a winner." The girl turned back to Gabriel, hip jutting out sassily. "Now give me back my fucking cock."


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait, wait." Sam held his hands up. "Dean?"

The girl glared at him. "Unfortunately."

Sam stared a moment before snorting. "Oh my God, Gabriel. Did you do this?"

Gabriel stood up, brushing himself off from his struggle with Dean. "What makes you think I did it?"

Dean crowded up in Gabe's face, full lips curled in an ugly snarl. "I went to go take a damn piss and I looked down and realized you had switched up the fucking machinery- are you... Are you taller than me?!" Her voice curled up into a shriek at the end.

Gabriel smirked. "I am, darling. You look very cute like this."

She bared her teeth. "Fix me."

"Why? You still have that ass so as far as I'm concerned, the slight stature decrease is an improvement."

She huffed and turned around, earning herself a sharp smack on her rear.

It took a lot more strength this time for Castiel to hold onto her.

"For the love of- Dean!" Castiel snapped, whirling Dean around in his arms so they were face to face. She immediately stopped fighting, cheeks turning red. "This is going to get you nowhere. Gabriel will not give up so easily." Dean absently kicked her feet in the air. "Perhaps it would work better if you were to ask him what you need to do."

They held each other's gaze, Dean's toes gently braced against either of Castiel's legs. "Mk," she finally mumbled. Cas released her and she turned to Gabriel.

"What do you want me to do?"

"That, my dear, is the million dollar question."

And with a flutter, Gabriel was gone.

"I hate him," Dean announced, crossing her arms over her chest. Sighing, she added, "I need some fucking coffee."

Sam grinned. "That's not a very ladylike way to talk, Deanna."

She flipped him off in response. "Don't call me that."

"What do you want me to call you, then?"

Dean threw her hands in the air. "Dean! Call me Dean, goddammit!" She groaned and grabbed her cup of coffee, jumping up to sit cross-legged on the counter.

Sam coughed awkwardly.

"What?" she barked.

"I um... Pants?"

Dean looked down to where the shirt had ridden up, leaving her sitting in black panties. "Fuck pants," she finally said. "Pants suck." She downed a cup of coffee and leaned across the bar for a refill. "Another thing. Dude pronouns. None of this 'she' and 'her' crap. Got it?"

"Got it." Sam sighed. "Hope you're not stuck like this for too long."

Dean groaned. "You and me both, kid. I didn't think you could get any taller."

"I didn't. You got shorter."

He paused mid-sip. "Shut the fuck up."

Sam laughed quietly. "I'm going for a jog now. I'll be back in an hour or two."

Dean lazily saluted Sam as a response.

Castiel waited a moment for Sam to leave, then replaced the spot where he had been. "Is there any way I can help?"

"Just come sit with me."

Cas took a seat on the counter beside Dean.

"You really can't tell a difference?" Dean finally asked.

Cas shrugged. "Gender was never that important to me."

Dean buried his blush in his mug. "Oh." There was a comfortable silence. "I don't even have big boobs, man. What's even the point?"

Cas tilted his head. "You do exercise a lot. I wouldn't assume you would have major fat deposits anywhere."

"How the fuck did you just manage to make boobs sound unsexy?"

"It's one of my many talents."

Dean couldn't help the giggle that escaped his lips, and Cas couldn't hide the pleased expression on his face.

Dean dramatically batted his eyelashes at Castiel. "Am I a pretty girl?"

One side of Cas's mouth twitched up in amusement. "I'm not sure there's a safe answer to that question."

"Oh, so I'm ugly?" Dean leaned in, grinning evilly.

Cas copied the movement. "You're absolutely stunning."

The freckles that littered Dean's cheeks glowed with the blush around them. "Really?"

"Yes." Castiel smirked. "I guess you make a pretty girl as well."

Dean gently pushed his face away, smiling. "Oh, shut your piehole, you absolute sap."

There was a smile on Castiel's face, and Dean basked in it.

"You gonna kiss me or what, you winged dork?" Dean whispered, nervously catching his bottom lip between his teeth.

Castiel's smile widened. "That's another of my many skills."

Dean snorted. "Shut up." He rested his small hand on the back of Cas's neck and pulled him in for a slow kiss, relishing the taste of him.

The kiss ended and Dean rested his forehead against Cas's, a few strands of hair falling around them.

Dean said, "I wonder what sex like this would feel like" at the same time that Gabriel popped in to announce, "You figured it out!"

They both stared at each other in silence.

"I... I have to admit that escalated quicker than I thought but um..." Gabriel trailed off, at a loss for words for once, before snapping his fingers and turning Dean back into a guy. "Congrats, you have unseated your deep-set homophobia!"

Dean and Cas exchanged looks.

"I did that like, years ago, dude."

"Yes... Gabriel, could you please turn him back for like an... An hour?" Cas raised his eyebrows at Dean, who nodded.

"Maybe two."

"Two hours."

Gabriel smirked at them. "Getting right down to business, I see?"

Dean shrugged. "I mean, sex in this body feels great but I gotta admit I'm a bit curious."

Cas nodded. "I wholeheartedly agree."

"You... You two have... You've had sex?!"

"Um, I thought that was kind of obvious."

"He's right, Gabriel. I do stand very close to him."

"We do that eye-sex shit all the time."

"I've lost count of how many hugs we have exchanged."

"We weren't really hiding it, dude."

Gabriel made an indignant noise. "And you didn't think to tell your favorite brother?!"

Cas raised an unamused eyebrow at him. "We figured Sam already knew," he snarked.

Gabriel stared at them, slack-jawed, before running a hand over his face and groaning. "You know what? Whatever. I'm gonna go catch up with Sam." He snapped his fingers and Dean was once again a woman. "I'm done with you two." Gabriel disappeared with a huff.

Dean stared after him for a moment before a resounding snap on his slender hips caught his attention.

Cas looked hella smug as he popped Dean's panties again. "As I recall, you like these, correct?"

Dean grinned back evilly. "Not as much as I like them off."

"Then let's get to it, Deanna."

Dean groaned. "Oh, fuck you."

Cas leaned in and nibbled on his ear. "Try again."

"Fuck... Fuck me?"

"There you go."


End file.
